Tearstains and heartbreak trace the handwriting you hold on my heart

Never thought I would feel this alone again, but now I get this part

When my world was handed to me with you and a crystal glass

I never thought I would question if this was meant to last

But you can’t create a vision that isn’t shared

And you can’t beg to someone who doesn’t want you there

And although my heart feels like it stopped and won’t heal

I won’t deny that I loved who you were and I believed it to be real

I was committed to the future even with arguments and pain

But I am not committed to living a lie and living in vain

So I cry myself to sleep and let God dry my tears

And I will wake up in the morning to live out my fears

Because as much as I am willing to fight with you and love with you

It’s the with part that makes me ready to live it true

And I won’t give my love to a man who lets go of the dream he shared

Just to drive a self-induced fantasy of that only caresses what he cares

So even though tearstained pillows still linger with the scent of us

I recognized you released it and gave it up

And I go on growing hoping to escape this agony

The tragedy of you no longer sleeping next to me

i stare at white walls

blank tales that tell me nothing

they don’t scold me, mold me

but they don’t hold me

and they stare back

without judgement or scowls

nor laughter or stories

I just stare at white walls

I stare at white walls

void of the color of sunshine

or tears

Impeding anger

pain

or love

They stay blank

As I stare at white walls

I stare at white walls

That stand empty

bare, pure

pale, clean

plain, drained

And they mirror my soul

And we stare at each other

Until the sun runs aways

And the moon finds its place in the sky

And my white walls

Turn to black nights

And I still stare at  white walls

I can do nothing else but offer my heart and give you what I crave

In loving you, I have taught you how to love me

To give without questions to understand past doubt

And to trust me if you wanted a break from being strong, just for awhile

In these moments and time it was never to own you

Gain you, buy you, conquer you, or dominate you

But to show you and teach myself that I can love

Past insecurities, past broken hearts, shattered dreams and resentful words

To see if I can posses the righteousness in my heart that I want you to see

To qualify myself to be free

And it wasn’t always perfect and times I hurt

I confused myself past common sense and prayed repeating words

That create cycles of crazy

But I arose the next moment still determined to find the best of you

To help me see the best of me

Not saying you define me, but yet you have helped elevate me

And if all I have is each lesson of each time I will be grateful

For the smiles, the laughs, the tears, the confusions

And let go of the bitterness and pain

And understand for a moment that you see me for who I am

Not who I should be