I See Purple Monkeys, Blue Onions, a Green Star!
Writing by Jes on Sunday, 7 of September , 2008 at 6:39 pm
“What will you miss the most?” That was the question posed to me on a wonderful Sunday evening while I was enjoying one of my last suppers on American soil. The question haunted me for a second because besides missing family, I really didn’t know. I love my friends, but I’ve always been a drifter going wherever I hear my name called. My true friends know how to find a phone conversation and me on the other end. I’m only but a few keystrokes away. So what would I miss, really? To say a food dish is trivial. Perhaps music, but I’ll have Itunes and Internet. What is it on American soil that I would cherish so much that I might curl up in bed at night and wept for what I couldn’t touch? I left that night pondering that question, but in honesty never knowing if I could reach an answer unless I was actually on Liberian land.
It was when I receiving my treatment as an immunization junkie that I had my first encounter with the love that I might lose. It was in a small packet describing the impact of Malaria, the sickness that kills so many overseas. The antidote was a pill call Lariam, a pill that is taken only once a week to ward off mosquitoes and their pesky little stingers. Reading about my new little friend I discovered that it wasn’t the shakes and the shivers that had me question my new friend but…“Mefloquine may have severe and permanent adverse side-effects. It is known to cause severe depression, anxiety, paranoia, aggression, nightmares, insomnia, seizures, peripheral motor-sensory neuropathy, vestibular (balance) damage and central nervous system problems.”
WHAT THE MESS?? I have lived 30 years drug free, depressant free, and barely touching alcohol, nervous to get hook on coffee so never sip the stuff to become psychologically damaged because I’m trying to keep a gnat from biting my tail! Hold up, there has to be something wrong with this picture. Looking further into my research, I have learned that it can cause VIVID NIGHTMARES. I have to pause for a moment. VIVID…VIVID….I mean I can have a vivid dream with Common, LL Cool J, and Kanye doing backup and not have a problem with that scenario. A vivid dream isn’t nothing but a wish come true, but nightmares….like I’m going to see purple bunnies and killer squirrels chasing my thickness in the middle of the night and I’m in the middle of Africa??? Can I positively say, “No thank you?” I mean, I don’t even have nightmarish visions to have nightmares, I have dedicated a lifetime to avoiding and protesting horror flicks so my mind can stay clean and pure, full of fluffy clouds and rainbows on a Sunday afternoon. This Lariam is what is causing the panic in my stomach.
I can pitch a test, sleep on a hard ground, piss in a dumpster, and live on a generator. I am not afraid of a world I haven’t seen, of the rumors, and there is not a reason for me to jump on the plane, clicking my heels for home, unless…these Lariam pills take me on a Robert Downing Jr. ride. That, I cannot handle. I pride myself on my brain, my wits, my knowledge, my communication, and my education…. I love my mental state and when it’s unstable I am smart enough to know why.
So when I am now confronted with the question, “What will I miss the most?” I miss not having to take a drug that will keep me from dying, but will possibly (1 in 8 chance) cause me to go crazy. I will be doing everything in my power not to receive a mosquito bite. I am creating net clothing, a new brand of perfume OFF, wearing gloves on exposed hands, purchasing Skin so Soft lotion and hair moisturizer, but taking the pills is an important necessity. I’ve settled on the bootleg brand called Doxcy which is a pill I have to take everyday (whoa responsibility) but the side effect is only nausea, cramps, and heartburn. That is a roulette game I am willing to play.
Category: Uncategorized
- Add this post to
- Del.icio.us -
- Digg
Comment by N Tindall
Made Monday, 15 of September , 2008 at 8:52 pm
May God bless you on this journey. This site design is beautiful. But I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.
