Rolling Down the Street in My Volvo
Writing by Jes on Sunday, 30 of November , 2008 at 2:46 pm
Americans cannot drive.
Yeah, I said it. And I mean it too. Understand this.
Americans do not know the various, multiple uses of a car, truck, Volvo, pick-up truck, bicycle, man even a wheelbarrow. Americans cannot manipulate their vehicles with the preciseness, accuracy, minute details that I have witness during backseat riding in Liberia. We have been babied throughout life with cross lines, signals, yield signs, and parking spaces. The fact that we have a rules system only shows how limited in our creative expression and capability is when it comes to getting behind the wheel.
Third world driving needs to be the newest game on the next playstation series. It is a serious task and challenge, with two different levels—city driving and back road driving. I will focus on the city driving for the sake of this blog because to talk about driving on the back roads is like taking a Pinto through the Grand Canyon.
It takes a skilled man to roll out in ongoing traffic in both directions just to sit there and wait until someone else stops and they proceed to turn left like they had the right of way the whole time. Our two lane highways (one car one direction, the other car the other direction) have been moved to a six-lane highway, with the next vehicle close enough they can do a palm reading while waiting to move again.
No stop signs, lights, speed limit warnings, nothing to even suggest there should be some rules to follow. In fact we got pulled over just the other day, for what you may ask? An illegal U-Turn during traffic? No. Speeding over a pothole? No. Failure to use a signal light? No. We got pulled over because we weren’t wearing a seatbelt.
I have seen a pick up truck hold 21 people, standing and sitting. They park as close as fat girls in line an all you can eat buffet. People cross the street like the old school video game “Hopper”, playing dash for your life just before a car speeds past as if they purposely wanted to pick you off.
It is custom to speed through the streets hand on horn blaring, daring a soul brave enough to cross to do so. Driving is like the releasing of the bulls in Spain with all pedestrians fleeing for lives.
See in America, the car horn is used only for warnings. But in Liberia, the horn talks more than crickets into the dusk of night. I have heard the following statements via hornish, or hornagense:
“Hello”
“Excuse Me”
“You welcome”
“Where are you?”
“Where the ____ are you?!”
“Move.”
“Merge now”
“Get out the way!”
“I will whop your tail!”
“Do you know who I am?”
“OH, HELL NAW!”
“Don’t try.”
“Screw You!”
“Screw You too!”
“Step outside and see what happens.”
Now this is all mastered by how your lean, touch, press on your horn and most always is accompanied by facial and hand gestures. The horn language is a very physical one, meaning that all your energy can not be spent on focused on the driving task, you must have the communication as well or you will not be allowed in the streets without having to be reduced to the one finger language we as Americans know.
Now, all the cars have battle wounds. Velcrose veins for windshields, operation scars of crash repairs of tape or molding, amputees without bumpers, side mirrors, tires, even abuse victims with black eyes of dents and poundings from their tormentor. I was dared to find one taxi without a scratch or dent on it, I was promised money. This was two months ago and I am still searching.
The ability to drive here is like learning to master karate. You go through different levels, new situations, come across some ninjas, but if you stay the course you will become a black belt. Some may die, quit, or move and never make it to the end, but those who do, there will be no obstacle that will conquer you in life.
Except maybe having to detox and drive in a normal society.
Now, you know why African taxi drivers are the way they are, because at home, they were the black belt and in America, they have been stripped of their driving power and had to conform to rules. That’s a difficult task.
Category: November 08
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