Eddie Murphy set the standard of blackness during the late eighties, early nineties.  It was because of Boomerang when black men started looking at feet, Harlem Nights and women wanted to be Sunshine, and of course the best one of them all, Coming to America where we as African-Americans learned that Africa was starving like them Feed the Children commercials, it was a place of milk and honey.  Home of Zumunda.  Eddie Murphy got people back interested in the Back to Africa movement, at least for a vacation and he gave us a vision to aspire towards.  Kings and Queens, who were cultured, sophisticated, intelligent, diligent, and bathed in Jacuzzis laced with rose petals.

This is the Africa we dream of when we hear names like Madagascar, Ghana, Mozambique, and Senegal.  We hold Zumunda as the ideal of what we should experience in Africa, the music, the art, the heritage, the history, the fashion, the experience….

And I am here to set the record straight…. if you are visiting Africa please note:  LIBERIA IS NOT ZUMANDA.  Its not, Liberia is just like Detroit. Only it would be Detroit after Hurricane Katrina hit it with FEMA being delayed by like 5 -7 years. 

Now, I am not in the position to speak on the behalf of all of Africa.  I pretty much am limited to one country out of a possible 52 for visitation.  It’s like someone to visit the United States to learn about America and they are limited to visit Oklahoma City.  It is not a fair representation and for those who know Oklahoma, it is a messed up representation of what America has to offer.  As well, I am not here to discourage those wanting to come to Liberia…its just well Liberia is Liberia.  Liberia is in the midst of trying to rebuild after a 12-year war almost wiped out its identity.  It’s a lost country that is trying to regain its pride and position. It used to be the standard of an African tradition. Now, it’s just standing.

The other realization is that ex-slaves of the states settled Liberia so culturally your African experience is only an imitation of what they have seen in the movies.  I mean, I’ll be honest here. I really thought I was a member of the revolution at home. I went all natural, bought the t-shirts, wore the Afro-centric jewelry, paid extra money to do all natural body creams and soaps, I mean I was the little African Queen and when I get here…. everyone got a hair weave.  I mean, this is the most uncultured, cultural experience.  Most of the time I am answering questions about Akon, 50 cent, and apple bottom jeans and I thought I left America to become educated about the motherland, not give tips on how to corrupt the innocent with stuff like BET.

Its not all bad…just don’t get your hopes up if you roll through Liberia. 

·      Don’t expect a congo drum line when you step off the plane.

·      Don’t expect people to walk through selling nuts and berries hair cream for a dollar, they use Dark & Lovely perm kits like us.

·      Don’t expect rose petals in the bathtub, on the floor, or anywhere…we coming out of a war.  Resources are limited.

·      Don’t expect a dance hall standing routine like Coming to America’s entrance, the music is pretty much Keyisha Cole, Akon, 50 cent and this one African chick song that REPEATS THE SAME VERSE for ten minutes.

·      Don’t expect to jog down the street and all the kids will follow you like they did Muhammad Ali, in fact the people will out run you in flip flops. 

I mean I can do this all day, but the point is that Liberia is what it is. I hope of course the chance to visit more places and see more sights….but Eddie made the standard a little high….even Africans in Africa are looking for Zumunda.  That is the country of everything we should be, but it is another fantasy that hasn’t found a home yet…except in the DVD player. 

The bench is breaking my back causing me to sit in full attention, but in true church fashion…you cant say anything if you didn’t donate to the building fund.  I was invited to a Christmas program and being the gracious visitor I am, my face was of stone with smiles and Amen’s throughout this production where I was truly debating throwing out some of my salvation in order to ditch the program early.  But the truth is, you can’t walk out of any Church function…I mean what type of Christian walks out on the birth of Jesus? So amidst the bad acting, horrible punch lines, sappy come to Jesus clichés, I sit there fanning and smiling…putting on my own one-woman production starring me in the lead role of acting interested.

And then, in middle of the nativity scene when the three wise men are walking to see the baby Jesus, reality hits a side step.  There in front of my eyes was in the middle of Liberia, which is on the West Coast of Africa, was a WHITE BABY Jesus.  A white baby Jesus being handled by an African Mary and an African Joseph, on looked by African Wise Men, and forecasted by an African Angel. There in the middle of it was a blue eyed, blond haired baby Jesus.

Now, wait…before everyone starts debating and pulling out scriptures and cultural peace symbols, this blog isn’t about what color Jesus is.  This blog is about things just making sense.

See, it wasn’t until then that I stepped out of the play and into the Season Greetings of the holidays and noticed that NONE of the decorations that broadcast the wonders of this season represented black skin tones. There were no Black Santa Clauses, no Black angels, no black Christmas cards, and no Black or African Nativity scenes.  And did I mention that I am in Africa? And in Africa, there are A LOT of black people?

I mean I wouldn’t have an issue if I was in Japan and saw a Japanese nativity scene of Jesus and the baby was Japanese.  Makes sense, it matches the surroundings you know…but here, it seems almost foreign for someone to paint the baby Jesus black.  I mean even if it was a white baby, an African represented the mother MARY so that means that Jesus could be Light-skinned with curly hair.  Like a little Jaden Smith or that little light skin boy who played on Smart Guy with the twin sisters.

So, no I don’t get it.  I don’t get the simple physics of not having a baby doll that looked like the parents.  Better yet, it may be the simple truth that here in Liberia, there aren’t baby dolls that look like the population. The idea is that this country gets everyone’s leftovers is true and getting the scrapes of everyone else’s culture can allow your own culture to become diluted with surroundings.  I don’t know if there is answer past observation…I mean, the baby Jesus could have had at least a kente clothe for a bed set.  He could have been Albino.  Something….

It is like the black people in America are fighting for something, more representation of blackness in the world around them and then when you get to Africa…never mind.  There is no fight for that justice…but I don’t know if it is an issue. I do know, I wouldn’t have minded if some mother in the church had stood up and hollered out, “HOLD UP” and threw one of her little infant childs in the basket. I might had stood up and applauding, it’s like standing your ground on your cultural identity, and physics…how two dark skinned Africans gonna give birth to a White Jesus?

I guess in the end, there is some major point here….i thinki it is for us to donate colored baby dolls to the efforts in Africa.

To me there are some things in life that should just make sense.

I feel that because I was born on American soil, there are privileges and distinctions that are handed to me because my birthright as an American.  Now if I leave the country, I understand I lose some privileges based on location but if I visit the American embassy and show my American passport, I do believe that I will get some of my American rights…

I mean, I have watched countless movies where the bad guy or good guy is racing toward the embassy because once they pass that white line, their embassy will protect them.  I feel like I have been sold on the idea that your embassy is your advocate, an immediate connection to home.

That is a lie.  How do I know, because I am testifying about the straw that broke the camel’s back. My boss is severely sick and when I call to make an appointment at the clinic in the embassy, I am told that the US Embassy American Clinic is not for public use. And I’m like I understand we have our passports to prove citizenship.  And she lets me know that it is only for US officials and personnel who work within the governmental departments.  So basically, the janitor at the embassy has health care but an American citizen who sacrificed a job and benefits can’t even ask the doctor a question.

So, I’m on the phone….I’m trying to put pieces together and I realize that if  anything happened to me off American soil, my country cannot lend me a hand or a needle of penicillin to help me out.  How you gonna call my momma to tell her I died but then not offer health care?  It’s crazy that we as Americans are trying to help and dedicate portion of our lives towards rebuilding a country and we can’t get an aspirin…the argument isn’t even if it is affordable or not, it is the fact that I can’t see a doctor unless I go ravaging through the village and locals trying to find someone who might be able to cure a disease.

You cannot imagine the number of germs out here; I had to take eight shots just to visit Liberia. EIGHT.  Each that would ward off a different symptom or disease that is prevalent in this country and then you tell me that if one slips through the cracks its better for me to board a plane and go back home?  I mean yeah, I can go to the local hospital which reminds me of a season finale of ER, but when you are ill isn’t the best time to research and locate the best medical plan or doctor that is available.  Then, I am an American branded child…my stomach, immune system, and nervous system is not equip for Liberia.  There are to many situations that because I am foreign, my body reacts like it is foreign and I get sick.  The locals can drink the water, bath, rinse all kinds of stuff…if I touch it I will die.  But I can’t get a doctor to throw me a pill incase a sister slips up.

I mean lets be a little smart about something, my ol’ country tis of thee, don’t we need malaria pills, birth control, blood pressure meds?  Couldn’t the clinic just serve as a damn pharmacy for basic drugs and you have your doctor call a special number or email the embassy and you can pick up your prescriptions for stuff you need.  Because now a sister has to look at the black market for malaria pills because of terrorist alerts, I can’t get my pills mailed here due to US postal customs and if I do sneak it in, it costs eighty dollars just to get a box. 

I’m really livid.  Is this because we don’t have universal health care…what is Obama going to do about Americans in other countries getting basic services? Shouldn’t that be part of my rights?  Hell I still got to do taxes. In fact the damn embassy has tax information online and classes to make sure we get our taxes in on time but nothing to ensure I stay alive to be able to do taxes.  Think I’m lying?

http://monrovia.usembassy.gov/public-services.html

I don’t even know what the benefit is right now of the embassy. I guess I watched too many X-men movies where Professor looks on the screen and is able to locate all the mutants. I thought the embassy was an advocate for Americans in foreign countries, but they not even having a Christmas program.  The Lebanese embassy had a Lebanese Independence Day party…we were invited, America’s calendar of events is blank, or I guess I just don’t know the right people.  Forget the fact that I was “BORN in the USA”, Bruce Springsteen would be upset…we should change the words to “STAY in the USA”.

Now, I am posting this because I am mad…but I do have to do it with precaution.  I am just saying if I come up missing, ya’ll need to ask questions. Just don’t take the report standing and if they tell you anything medical you know that the GOVERNMENT was behind it.

How I know?  They wouldn’t treat me.